The Great Swirly
by Dragonfly-Moonlight
Summary: repost. G1. BRAWN IS DEAD!


It was your average day at Decepticon HQ. Soundwave was at the main terminal, sending and receiving files to Cybertron, and Megatron was refining his latest plans on defeating the Autobots when Starscream burst in, his face triumphant.

"I've done it! I've come up with a plan that will defeat Autobots once and for all!" he declared in his usual boastful manner.

Soundwave continued with his work, paying Starscream no attention while Megatron just glanced at him. They, and every other Decepticon, had heard this boast before.

"And what is your plan _this_ time?" Megatron asked, going back to his plans.

"We flush them," he replied, grinning as he leaned against the wall.

"Flush them?" Megatron looked back at him, giving him a dubious look. "Flushing them out of the Ark won't defeat them, Starscream . . ."

"No, no, no," Starscream interrupted. "We flush _down the toilet_!"

Both Soundwave and Megatron stopped what they were doing and looked at him incredulously.

"Down the toilet?" Megatron echoed, disbelief etched on his face.

"Yep," Starscream smirked. "Down the toilet."

"What is a toilet, Starscream? Do you even know?"

"Of course, I know!" he scoffed. "I've been working on this plan for a few Earth weeks now."

"Not much time for planning," Megatron pointed out. "Are you sure it'll even work?"

"Of course," Starscream sniffed indignantly.

Megatron paused for a few moments, his curiosity slowly getting the better of him.

_Couldn't hurt to try it, I suppose. . . . But I need to know more._

"I need details," Megatron stated.

"As usual you. . . . What?"

"I need details, Starscream. You know, those little things that make plans work?"

"Of c-c-course, Megatron," Starscream stammered, obviously surprised. "Right away."

Warily, Starscream made his way to the terminal and brought up several images of a variety of toilets. Megatron looked at them skeptically at first but when he saw the various shapes and sizes, he looked at them more intently.

"These are toilets, Megatron."

"And what are they used for?"

"The humans . . ."

"Humans! Starscream . . ."

"What? As a general rule, humans use them for waste excretions. And sometimes to kill their enemies."

"To kill their enemies?"

"Yes. Watch."

With that, he pulled up a scene where one man killed another simply by having the one's head in the toilet and pushing down on a lever.

"Fascinating," Megatron murmured. "How do you propose we flush the Autobots when these toilets are obviously too small for us?"

"Easy," Starscream replied. "I've done some researching on the humans' Internet and found a wealth of information on toilets, including on how they work and how they're built. A simple task for even the Constructicons."

Megatron thought it over. It wasn't exactly the greatest plan Starscream had ever come up with but it certainly was the most amusing. And he knew exactly who he wanted to test this plan on.

"Get started on it at once, Starscream. I'll leave you in charge of this little project."

"Me?"

Starscream's jaw dropped.

"Is there a problem, Starscream?"

"No, of course not."

"Then what are you waiting for? Get to work."

Quickly, Starscream left, grinning as he went.

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"He will try to use this against you."

"It wouldn't be Starscream if he didn't, Soundwave."

"Shall I have Ravage watch over the project?"

"Yes. And dispatch Ratbat to the Ark. I know who our . . . test subject will be," he laughed.

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Scrapper looked at the plans that Starscream had handed him.

"It's a toilet."

"So?"

"It's a toilet."

"Yes, it's a toilet," Starscream sighed in exasperation. "All you've got to do is build it."

"Why?"

"Because we're going to be flushing the Autobots."

Around them the other Constructicons started snickering.

"Flushing the Autobots . . ."

"Yes. Flushing the Autobots. Megatron wants this done right away."

Scrapper looked at the list of materials needed. It wasn't much and it'd definitely throw the Autobots off track.

"All right," he grumbled. "We'll get started."

"Good. Let me know when you've got the materials."

Scrapper just nodded as Starscream left, already divying up the list into three sections. Carefully, he paired them off and they were on their way . . .

_A week later . . ._

The Constructicons were close to finishing the toilet when Megatron and Soundwave walked in.

"How much longer?" Megatron demanded.

"Not much longer, Megatron," Scrapper replied. "A few more breems and it'll be finished."

"Excellent," Megatron grinned. "Soundwave, dispatch Rumble and Frenzy. Their target is . . . Brawn."

"As you command, Megatron," Soundwave said as the twin cassettes came flying out of his chest compartment.

Rumble and Frenzy transformed as they landed and they looked up at Megatron.

"What's goin' on?" Frenzy inquired.

"I have a very special mission for you two," Megatron began. "You and Rumble are to lure the Autobot Brawn away from his pre-determined patrol route to where the Stunticons are. Make sure they bring him back here unharmed."

"Unharmed? Where's the fun in that?"

"You'll see," Megatron replied enigmatically.

It took one moment for them to realize that Megatron had something very special in mind and they were gone in a flash.

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"You think he'll notice us?"

"If not, I know of a way that he will," Frenzy snickered, bringing his blaster out of subspace.

Rumble grinned as Frenzy pointed his blaster and fired at something just in front of Brawn.

"Who did that?" came the angry shout.

Laughing with glee, Rumble and Frenzy ran out of their hiding spot and made a mad dash for their rendevouz point with the Stunticons.

"You two punks are gonna pay for that!" Brawn hollered as he chased after them.

"Oh yeah? You and what army?" Rumble shot back as he took to the air.

_We're almost there,_ Frenzy sent over on a telepathic level, remaining on the ground. _Just a few more kilometers. . . ._

_Gotcha. See ya there, Frenzy! _Rumble sent back as he went ahead.

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The Stunticons were lazing about when Rumble flew up and landed.

"He's on his way," Rumble announced, grinning.

"Just what we've been waiting to hear," rumbled Motormaster. "Stunticons . . . UNITE to form MENASOR!"

"Oh joy," Dead End lamented as he transformed. "Here we go again."

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Frenzy was having a blast in the short distance that he was suppose to run. Sure, that Autobum Brawn was right behind him and very intent on ripping him limb from limb as he kept threatening but that was half the fun for the Decepticon cassette. After all, _his_ taunts and threats only served to enrage Brawn more. And the more enraged he got, the less likely it was for him to radio the Ark for reinforcements when Menasor appeared. At least, that was his logic and his hope.

As he looked back one last time, he saw that Brawn was closing in on him and getting ready to tackle.

"_Guys, anytime you're ready would be nice . . ."_ Frenzy began.

"_On our way,"_ Motormaster replied back.

Just as Brawn was about to tackle Frenzy, Menasor loomed up from his hiding spot and snatched Brawn up in one hand.

"Hey! Put me down, you oversized bucket of bolts!" Brawn shouted, pounding his fists against Menasor's hand.

The gestalt just laughed as he took to the air, Rumble and Frenzy following.

"Not a chance," Frenzy laughed.

"Yeah," Rumble chimed in. "Megatron wants to see you."

"Then I'll pulverize him. And you. And every other Decepticon!" Brawn ranted.

And he continued to rant as they took him back to Decepticon HQ.

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"It's finished!" Scrapper declared.

"The Stunticons have arrived with the Autobot prisoner," Soundwave announced.

"Ah, perfect timing," Megatron smiled. "Starscream!"

"Yes, Megatron?" Starscream asked, poking his head into the room.

"Our guest of honour has arrived. Shall we go and greet him?" Megatron inquired, his optics flashing with mischief.

"Oh, of course, Megatron," Starscream snickered. "I wouldn't _dream_ of missing this."

Grinning, the two left for the control room.

Rumble and Frenzy were running circles with energon bonds around Brawn as Megatron and Starscream walked up.

"So glad you could join us, Brawn," Megatron chortled.

"You lousy Decepti-bum! Just wait 'til I get my hands on you and the rest of the Decepticons!"

"That's rather unlikely, Brawn. See, we have something very special in store for you. And your fellow Autobots," Megatron drawled out as he and Starscream lifted Brawn up by his arms and carried him off.

"Oh yeah? And what is it this time? Another cloning machine? Or is it. . . ?"

Brawn stopped when he saw the insidious device that would lead to his demise.

"A toilet? Oh my," Brawn started laughing hysterically. "That's gonna be . . ."

He continued to laugh and hoot, even as Megatron and Starscream looked at each other and nodded a little. His laughter ended abruptly as they hefted him up as high as they could and shoved him head first and then some into the toilet.

"Quick! Flush it now!"

Soundwave did so and Brawn's body jerked some. But the water, instead of going down, came up and spilled onto the floor.

"Um, is it suppose to be doing this?" Frenzy asked as the water crept up to his feet.

"No, it's not!" Starscream snapped.

"Someone find a plunger!" Megatron ordered as he and Starscream continued to push down on Brawn's struggling body. "And the Toilet Duck!"

"And hurry!" Starscream added.

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"Did Brawn die that day, Aunt Liana?" asked a young Decepticon child.

"Yes, he did, Revenge," the black Femme replied. "The water eventually overloaded his cranial circuitry. Not to mention that the toilet itself had to be destroyed because Brawn was still stuck inside of it."

"Oooh," was the chorus of young voices.

"Liana, are you telling that stupid Brawn story again?" Megatron asked as he poked his head into the room.

"The children were bored, Father. And they needed a laugh. It was the only story that came to mind."

"Is it really true, Megatron?"

"Was Brawn really flushed down a toilet?"

Megatron surveyed the group of young children and saw an eagerness on their faces.

"It most certainly . . ."

They looked at him, their optics shining.

"Is," he finished, grinning.

"No way!"

"Can't be."

"You're joking, right?"

"I'll show you," Megatron said, stepping into the room. He held in his hands an energy chain and very slowly he pulled whatever he was dragging into the room. Once it was inside, the children gasped.

At the end of the chain was a broken down hydro sled. And on the hydro sled was a trophy . . . of Brawn's head on the back of a toilet.

The End

**BRAWN IS DEAD, BABY!**


End file.
